Crows

Crows are members of a widely distributed genus of birds,  Corvus, in the family Corvidae. Ranging in size from the relatively small pigeon-sized jackdaws (Eurasian and Daurian) to the Common Raven of the Holarctic region and Thick-billed Raven of the highlands of Ethiopia, the 40 or so members of this  genus occur on all temperate continents except for South America, and several islands. In Europe t he word "crow" is used to refer to the Carrion Crow or the Hooded Crow, while in North America it is used for the American Crow or the Northwestern Crow.

Recent research has found some crow species capable of not only tool use but also tool construction and meta-tool use. Crows are now considered to be among the world's most intelligent animals, among humans and dolphins.

Crows are evil
It has been discovered by the biology sub-section of K.M.I.'s Science and technology department that crows go through an eleven year cycle, and become notoriously violent towards the last year of the eleven, even attacking and sometimes killing human beings. There have been several reports of this becoming worse and worse over the decades. Karlos Maguirez's rival company, B.A.D, even employed these dangerous birds against Maguirez at one stage and later used Cyborg crows. Thankfully for K.M.I they are vunerable to physical projectiles and the crisis was averted. It is believed that B.A.D was doing extensive research into these deadly animals and how they could be controlled but all evidence of this was lost when the business head-quartersburnt down. Crows are possibly even allied with the sky leopards.

Recognising Crows
Crows are easily identified in North America and Europe as black or dark grey birds that are roughly the size of a 150g packet of oats shaped like a bird. As carrion birds, they most often scavenge for food among rubbish bins, open paved areas, and obese people, although, as has been mentioned before, crows can become predatory in their nature at some stages in their undecannual cycle.

Crow Communication
Crows communicate with each other mainly via bluetooth, although use of infrared in intimate circumstances is not uncommon. If bluetooth is not a viable method of communication, for instance; after a nearby electromagnetic pulse, then they have the capability to communicate by more primitive means , that is, audibly. If they are forced to communicate audibly, then their call is distinctive, and can be easily recognised as a loud and gruff "CAW", "RARK", or the less common "MEEP". In the event that you hear the latter of these calls, it may be advisable to evacuate the area, as a crow's meeping is often followed by its remotely detonated asplosion.

Defending Yourself Against Crows
In the event that you find yourself the victim of a crow attack, then there are several ways in which you can defend yourself until you either reach safety, or until help comes to your aid. EMPs can often confuse crows, as it will likely disrupt their favoured means of communication, and this will result in a lack of cooperation in their subsequent attacks, as well as a cacophony of audible crow communication, which may well move other humans or sentients to come to your aid. Physical projectiles, as mentioned, are useful in your defence against crows, so do not hesitate to fling objects such as rocks, children , or 150g packets of oats at them, as this is mightily effective in dissuading their attack. K.M.I.'s Science and Technology department is currently developing cybernetically enhanced spider-eagles with which to counter the attacks launched by crows, so if you find yourself in a situation which presents the possibility of obtaining one, it may be wise to do so with your defence against crows in mind.

It would be sensible to prepare in advance of any possible incident that you may have with crows. This may include:
 * Asking a trained professional to inspect your lamps and lampshades
 * Looking up often
 * Obtaining and keeping on your person a device capable of creating an EMP
 * Obtaining and keeping on your person a cybernetically enhanced spider-eagle
 * Obtaining and keeping on your person a rock
 * Obtaining and keeping on your person a child
 * Obtaining and keeping on your person a 150g packet of oats